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精心整理丨雅思写作7分的方法分享给大家

来源:ielts_cn    发布时间:2019-10-10 15:10:35

作文从6分提高到了7分,大概找到了方向,下次可能会冲击一下8分了。
我看书分了两个阶段。


1第一个阶段是分析考试大纲

也就是评分点,尽量搞明白雅思作文里四个评分点到底说的是什么,然后7分8分9分之间的界限到底是在哪儿。毕竟这是应试,而我一直觉得,应试不过就是投考官所好而已,所以第一步就是把考官的品位先搞搞清楚。
第一个是切题,也就是题干里提到的内容和问题,在文章里要全面涉及到,连举例子也要举题干里的例子;另外只要自己提出的论点,都要深入的分析,要让这个论点从概念落到地上,也就是落到最细枝末节的应用上。
第二个是连贯,也是两点,分段要合理,转承要自然且不露痕迹。这就要用到很多慎小嶷提到的暗连接。
第三个是表达,要有足够丰富的表达方式,学会用小词,学会用地道的表达方法。
第四个就是语法啦,要尽可能用最多的句式结构,而且还要正确,准确。


2第二阶段就是研究范文

我都是只看满分范文,然后分析里面用了什么表达方法,举了什么例子。对照上面的评分表,分析这篇范文为什么可以得满分。这个过程占了绝大部分时间,等到看了20篇的时候就会发现,哎,怎么又举这个例子,哎,怎么还拿这个说事,哎,能不能扯点别的话题。然后,恍然大悟,尼玛考官就喜欢看这个啊,我需要做的只是把他喜欢看的用他喜欢的方式写出来就可以了。
成果嘛,练习了两三个星期之后,找老师批改,拿到了8分,但是考试的时候时间不够(我的毛病就是把小作文当大作文写,时间绝逼不够用,大作文通常勉强写完),只拿到7分。下次加快速度就可以了。给大家贴一个我练习的作文和老师的评语。


先给大家来个大作文:


练习的作文:

The world, with more extensive globalisation, tends to be dominated by a handful of languages and witnesses the extinction of several languages each year. Some take this of no significance and as an easing factor to the international community.


Life will certainly be easier with fewer languages. It would cause less conflicts and misunderstanding when people try to convey messages without the language barriers in their way. Especially under the circumstances of international business, dominant languages used in documents and negotiations smooth the communication and bring cooperation.


Access to more knowledge and information will be given to larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in job market.


However, it is not encouraged for those people to give up their native tongues. Their languages, as vehicles of their culture, bear the tradition and values that cannot be replaced or replicated. By preserving the minority languages, the cultural diversity will be enhanced, the sense of belonging strengthened, and historical heritage secured. It might not prove easier for the commercial world, but definitely worthy for humanity.


Business community would be better off if most speak the dominant languages, though more importance should be attached to the endangered languages. Government should offer both dominant language courses and native language courses to minority ethnic groups so that they can become part of a wider world while preserving their cultural integrity.


老师评语:


Overall this essay scores in the region of a 8


Task achievement

This scores in the region of a 9

Really excellent.  This essay covers everything and is written with not just an understanding of the business world, but with a sensitivity to minorities.

It's conclusion is well thought out, again brief, but it does show a firm stance that has been wholly supported in the essay.


Cohesion and coherence

This scores in the region of a 9

Flawless.  The paragraphs are formed intelligently, the argument progresses excellently and there is an overall smoothness and naturalness that has a particularly academic and professional tone.  I cannot fault this.


Lexical resource

This scores on the region of an 8

Some extensive vocabulary used here.  Particularly excellent vocabulary includes: 'language barriers/native tongues/cultural integrity'.  Really, really impressive.

This should be a 9, except for those darn articles!


'Access to more knowledge and information will be given to larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in job market.'

Should be:

'Access to more knowledge and information will be given to a larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by the majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in the job market.'


'Business community would be better off if...'

Should be:

'The business community would be better off if...'

Or:

'Business communities would be better off if...'


'Government should offer both dominant language...'

Again this should be:

'The government should offer both dominant language...'

Or:

'Governments should offer both dominant language...'


One final point that you may choose to take or leave:

'It would cause less conflicts and misunderstanding...'

Would sound more native if you did this:

'It would cause less conflicts and misunderstandings...'


Grammatical range and accuracy

This scores this region of an 8

Really incredible work here.  There are many passive sentences that are quite brilliant.  This is enough for the examiner to see that complex grammar is not an issue for this student. Excellent.

'...will be given...'

'...have been written...'


This is exceptionally good grammatically:

'By preserving the minority languages, the cultural diversity will be enhanced, the sense of belonging strengthened, and historical heritage secured.'


The only error is actually a very simple one:

'Business community would be better off if most spoke the dominant languages...'


All in all another outstanding essay.  The writing here reads as if it were written by a student who has lived for some time amongst native speakers.  It is linguistically brilliant.  However more than being accurate English, it is written with an academic and very professional flair. I cannot speak highly enough about this work.


小作文范例:



练习的作文:

The line graph is a 2008 report about the energy consumption in America since 1980 with projections until 2030.


The energy consumption by fossil fuel in the US, despite fluctuations, enjoyed a continuous rise. Petrol and oil started high at 35 quadrillion (35q) units in 1980, and suffered a slight drop to 30q in 1985. while natural gas and coal began with 20q and 16q respectively, both reached 16q in five years. The next five years witnessed increase in all fossil fuels, petrol and oil back to where it started, natural gas and coal sharing their upheavals to 18q. In nearly three decades, fossil fuels continued the upward trend with ups and downs, with petrol and oil reaching 42q, natural gas and coal meeting again at 25q in 2014. Here on, gradual increase will be seen in petrol and oil and coal, expected to reach 48q and 32q respectively in 2030. Natural gas, though, will tread a different path and remain steady at 25q.


Alternative energy, namely nuclear, solar and wind, hydropower, share the starting point at 3q in 1980. for the first decade, they saw a minor increase, with nuclear to 5q, and other two to 4q in 1990. the nuclear since then carried on the trend and continued to increase steadily but slowly to 7q till 2014. solar/wind, on the other hand, landed at 5q in 2014 after ups and downs, with hydro power landing at 3q. In the future, all renewable energy will remain level, with slight increase in nuclear and solar/wind after 2025.


It is noticeable that America consumes and will consume more energy than it did before.


老师点评:



Overall this essay scores in the region of an 8


Task achievement

This scores in the region of a 9

Without having the graphs to look at, I'm going to assume that all the information is correct.

This essay was excellent.  The information was detailed and comparisons were made so thoroughly and clearly that it was easy to follow.  Indeed it was very pleasant to read, which considering it is just a write up of a graph, is deeply impressive.

A nice conclusion was made, albeit a little brief, at the end and it was all ordered in a precise and logical way.


Cohesion and coherence

This scores in the region of an 8/9

Again this really was excellent.  A few times there were no capital letters after a full-stop (period) but I am suspicious this was a typing error and not actually a real mistake. If it was a real error then take the 8 score, if it was a typo, take the 9.

Linking words were used with a natural flair and helped it flow smoothly.

'While/here on/since then/in the future'


Lexical resource

This scores on the region of an 8

There was some really brilliant vocabulary here, used with a very natural ability: 'upheavals/will tread a different path/upward trend'.

This is really lovely:


'while natural gas and coal began with 20q and 16q respectively, both reached 16q in five years.'

In fact it was all very impressive.


There were a few errors with articles however:

'The next five years witnessed increase in all fossil fuels...'

Needs an article:

'The next five years witnessed an increase in all fossil fuels...'

'nuclear to 5q, and other two to 4q in 1990.'

Needs an article:

'nuclear to 5q, and the other two to 4q in 1990.'

'...energy will remain level, with slight increase in nuclear...'

Needs an article:

'...energy will remain level, with a slight increase in nuclear...'

This is outstanding work.  All that is stopping this from being a 9 are three little articles.  Brilliant!


Grammatical range and accuracy

This scores this region of an 8

It is not easy to put examples of complex grammar in such a short essay with a narrow field.  However you used the past tenses perfectly and again with a very natural feeling.  You also succeeded in squeezing in a little passive:

'Here on, gradual increase will be seen in petrol and oil and coal...'


Which is outstanding.

Because of the exceptionally high level of English used in this essay, and because the past tenses have been used without error, this one bit of passive allows the examiner to comfortably award a score in the region of an 8.

A 9 would need more complex grammar.

All in all this was exemplary and a real pleasure to read!

作者:邹涛
来源:知乎 



环球颜王团-暑期雅思公益课课表如下:

杨亮老师-手刃雅思写作真题 环境保护(7月28日 19:30-20:30)

汤小兵老师-如何破解雅思听力答案提前(7月28日 21:00-22:00)

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